What a fucking waste of an outfit
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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