I love having hate sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
