There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
