moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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