Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
