the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
