using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
