Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
