this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
