smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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