Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
