My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
