It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
