turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
