I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
