i would punch a child for taco bell
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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