I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
