I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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