I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
