hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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