We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
