when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
