The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
