What did we do last night that was yellow?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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