Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
