david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
