i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My bed smells like the plague
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
