Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just invented taco cereal.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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