She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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