Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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