ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My vagina just clenched in fear
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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