it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
