we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
