There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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