1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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