I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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