yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
