the condom got lost in my hair
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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