I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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