I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
