1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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