So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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