the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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