I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
