wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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