im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
