She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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