i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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