Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
