it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
