Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
