the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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