Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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