She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
