looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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