I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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